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Page 19 of 46
When and where shall I begin my penitential lament that will bear fitting fruit? Perhaps
soon I may have to face the last hour of my life; my soul will be painfully sundered from
my sinful and vile body; I shall have to stand before terrible demons and radiant angels,
who will reveal and torment me with my sins; and I, in fear and trembling, will be
unprepared and unable to give them an answer; the sight and sound of wailing demons,
their violent and bold desire to drag me into the bottomless pit of Hell will fill my soul
with confusion and terror. And then the angels of God will lead my poor soul to stand
before God 's fearful seat of judgment. How will I answer the Immortal King, or how will
I dare, sinner that I am, to look upon My Judge? Woe is me! have no good answer to
make, for I have spent all my life in indolence and sin, all my hours and minutes in vain
thoughts, desires and yearnings!
And how many times have I taken the Name of God in vain!
How often, lightly and freely, at times even boldly, insolently and shamelessly have I
slandered others in anger; offended, irritated, mocked them!
How often have I been proud and vainglorious and boasted of good qualities that I do not
possess and of deeds that I have not done!
How many times have I lied, deceived, been cunning or flattered, or been insincere and
deceptive; how often have I been angry, intolerant and mean!
How many times have I ridiculed the sins of my brother, caused him grief overtly and
covertly, mocked or gloated over his misdeeds, his faults or his misfortunes; how many
times have I been hostile to him, in anger, hatred or envy!
How often have I laughed stupidly, mocked and derided, spoke without weighing my
words, ignorantly and senselessly, and uttered a numberless quantity of cutting,
poisonous, insolent, frivolous, vulgar, coarse, brazen words!
How often, affected by beauty, have I fed my mind, my imagination and my heart with
voluptuous sensations, and unnaturally satisfied the lusts of the flesh in fantasy! How
often has my tongue uttered shameful, vulgar and blasphemous things about the desires
of the flesh!
How often have I yearned for power and been gluttonous, satiating myself on delicacies,
on tasty, varied and diverse foods and wines; because of intemperance and lack of self-
control how often have I been filled past the point of satiety, lacked sobriety and been
drunken, intemperate in food and drink, and broken the Holy Fasts!
How often, through selfishness, pride or false modesty, have I refused help and attention
to those in need, been uncharitable, miserly, unsympathetic, mercenary and grasped at
attention!