prayer, frivolous and absent-minded, and left it in the same spirit and disposition! And in
prayer at home I have been just as cold and indifferent, praying little, lazily, and
indolently, inattentively and impiously, and even completely omitting the appointed
prayers!
many hours of each day have I spent in sleep, how often have I enjoyed voluptuous
thoughts in bed and defiled my flesh! How many hours have I spent in empty and futile
pastimes and pleasures, in frivolous talk and speech, jokes and laughter, games and fun,
and how much time have I wasted conclusively in chatter, and gossip, in criticizing others
and reproaching them; how many hours have I spent in time-wasting and emptiness!
What shall I answer to the Lord God for every hour and every minute of lost time? In
truth, I have wasted my entire life in laziness.
through stupid habit, insensitivity, ignorance, insolence, shamelessness, and hardness
sinned deliberately, willingly, in my right mind, in full awareness, in all goodwill, in both
thought and intention, and in deed, and in this fashion trampled the blood of God 's
covenant and crucified anew within myself the Son of God and cursed Him!
from the cradle to the grave, at every hour and every minute of my tortured life! Who will
now cool my head with water and fill the well of my tears and help me weep over my
soul that I have cast into perdition?
Lord! If Thou wouldst grant me light, be Thou blessed; if Thou wouldst grant me
darkness, be Thou equally blessed. If Thou wouldst destroy me together with my
lawlessness, glory to Thy righteous judgment; and if Thou wouldst not destroy me
together with my lawlessness, glory to Thy boundless mercy!